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Friends In Life's Garden

[excerpted from the monthly ministry letter of our Indiana friends now in California with Mission Aviation Fellowship... and published below, with permission]



Dear Ones...

It was a warm and sunny day in Mentone, CA on July 29, 2006 when Violet (Campbell) DeLapp, more commonly known as “Aunt Mae” was welcomed into the presence of the Lord.

After moving from her immaculate little home of many years at 1659 Allison Ave, Speedway, IN, it was August of 2000 when Aunt Mae made the decision to relocate to California and spend her remaining days in my home.



It was a big decision for a nearly 90-year old woman to make, but she made the move with peace. Although partially blind at this point, Aunt Mae was up and about daily. We had many adventurous outings together.

One specific event, which comes to my mind, was a day when I took her to the local mall. After walking her good spell, I chose to sit her down in the mall-way where she could “see” people walk by. I checked out a nearby store --- gone about 3 minutes--- returning to find her snuggled up in the arm of a middle-aged man. She was just chatting away as if she had known him all of her life. Upon arrival to this scene, she told me this kind man was insisting to take her to see a movie and she wanted to know if I wanted to go? In brief, the answer was, “No thank you!” With that, I thanked the man for his show of kindness and whisked Aunt Mae straight to the car. She had no idea that she had just been “hit on” and couldn’t understand why I was in too much of a hurry to sit down and visit with the kind gentleman. I was just glad that I returned before he snatched her rings off her fingers or lured her away and harmed her! I had thought enough to take her purse with me so she wouldn’t appear to be a target….but I guess her beauty at age 91 was still attracting the men! Anyhow, we had a good laugh once we were safely home.

Another laughable memory was one day when I took Aunt Mae to see her Dr. for a routine check up. She told the Dr. that I wasn’t a very good cook and asked the Dr. to talk to me about feeding her better tasting food. The Dr. tried to tell her that as one ages, their taste buds change and food just doesn’t taste the same as it once did. But Aunt Mae argued that ice cream still tasted really good to her, therefore Nancy’s cooking should too! The smart Dr. instructed me that I absolutely MUST give Aunt Mae as much ice cream as she wanted and as often as she wanted. This was the solution which would make us both happier people! Soon Dairy Queen became a frequent outing for Aunt Mae. She would say she was only eating ice cream because her doctor told she had to.

Some of our “good times” together included taking Aunt Mae swimming in her 90’s (and yes, in a most fashionable new swim suit too!), taking her to our kid’s school programs and football games, taking her to 8th grade and college graduations, backyard picnics, and spending lots of time at home together, revisiting the “days gone by” and listening to stories about her old boyfriends and her life growing up. She was full of stories, wisdom, and home remedies…. coercing our boys to appease her old fashioned ideas more than once! (And getting them in trouble a few times for assisting her!)



As time passed, Aunt Mae was placed on Hospice in 2004. I think this was more to give me some help. That very day her Dr. told me that I needed to be making a plan in case Aunt Mae outlived me! One funny event that happened during her hospice care was the day an aide wanted to brush her teeth. At first she told Aunt Mae that she wanted to brush her teeth and Aunt Mae just sat there, saying it was OK. After a while, the aide became rather insistent that she let her brush her teeth. Aunt Mae was very agreeable, yet still nothing happened. Finally the aide said, “Give me your teeth!” With that request, Aunt Mae politely told her she wish she could, but just couldn’t because they were grown in her gums and wouldn’t come out! Then she very sweetly asked the hospice aide about the care of her teeth, inquiring as to whether she had taken good care of her teeth or had she let them go and had dentures? The aide was surprised! She was not used to seeing patients at this age who didn’t have dentures…. finally realizing why Aunt Mae had appeared to not be cooperating with the tooth brushing program. We had a good laugh!

As you can tell, I am only sharing glimpses of an interesting life with Aunt Mae…never a dull moment! During the past few years she taught me a lot about “end of life” education and needs. At times it was challenging to navigate the care giving system with daily changing needs…all the while with Aunt Mae realizing her health was deteriorating. There were frequent changes and challenges…. but always with solutions. Aunt Mae taught me persistence, patience, compassion and commitment as we grew together figuring life out.

Eventually, the time did come during May of 2005 when I could no longer lift her in and out of her bed and I had no choice but to allow her to be on to total bed care. This was probably harder on me than it was on her. It became obvious to me that Aunt Mae was winding down and so very sad for me to accept. I had always had Aunt Mae in my life and couldn’t imagine my life without her. God was good to make it a slow process, showing me that every day of life was a blessing, not a hardship. I can honestly say that I felt it was an honor for me to take care of Aunt Mae…. it seemed that the worse she got, the more I wanted to be at her side and be there for her. I know it was the Lord who gave me insurmountable strength to do the job and keep up with the schedule of her care, plus caring for our family. I truly found satisfaction and joy in being her caregiver to the end.

On Saturday morning, the day of her death, I knew she was just hours away from leaving me. With bittersweet feelings that morning, I knew it was my last act of love to give Aunt Mae her final bath, wash and set her hair for the last time, make her pretty and comfortable during her final hours of life on this earth. I thanked her for being a loving aunt to me over the years, I prayed for her, then told her she would soon be with Jesus. Shortly after noon she silently “journeyed on”, showing no signs of waking from her sleep. She was ready to go.

Her body was flown back to Speedway, IN where her funeral took place on August 12, 2006. My cousin and I were allowed to do Aunt Mae’s hair and make up, preparing her for the viewing and funeral. This helped me bring closure to physically caring for a person I loved very much. God gave us a beautiful day for the funeral, a meaningful message from her favorite minister, Rev. Joe Ridenour, and some funny memories shared by family and friends. It was time to say farewell to an era of my life! Her nephew, Rev. David Black officiated her graveside service in Spencer, IN with his loving words and fond memories of her. The sun was out and we were surrounded by the chirping critters and the singing birds at her burial site…a touching moment in time.

I once heard it said, “With every ending chapter, a new chapter begins.” For Aunt Mae, it is a glorious one…. in the presence of her Heavenly Father and perhaps with many loved ones who have gone on before her. For me, it continues to be a bittersweet season of life. Aunt Mae was “one of a kind”…. a real lady…and how lucky I am to have had her in my life for 54 years!

As a tribute to Aunt Mae, I would like to say…..

Violet Mae Campbell DeLapp was:

A-lways willing to help others and Always was there for her family
U-nderstanding and Undemanding
N-otorious for her beautiful home and delicious cooking!
T-ouched the hearts of many & was a Teacher of life

M-ulti-talented; yet very Meek about her Many abilities
A-UNT MAE to all of her family!
E-ntrepreneur in her own right

A note to her relatives:
Thank you for bringing joy and happiness into the life of “Aunt Mae”. She loved YOU very much!

A note to her friends and her church in Speedway:
Thank you for being her friend. She deeply appreciated YOU!

With fond memories and deep appreciation,
Nancy Hook

The Hook Family
Mission Aviation Fellowship

posted by IndyChristian @ 6:48 PM